How long do you try to Help?

0516-lawyers (Photo credit: Rae Z)

At what point in the divorce proceedings does a dad just give up and say “Talk to my lawyer.”

I’m sure many of you have gone through this process as well, but it feels like the only time the Ex emails or texts (she would never call) it is to ask for money or to ask me to do something.  “This bill needs to be paid.”  “What about the taxes?”  “Who’s paying for this.”  All the while, I get no response on any of my questions regarding the kids.  In four months I’ve gotten a two sentence email about what is happening with them.

I’m trying to be as gracious as possible.  I’m trying to work with her and take the high road.  The high road can get pretty rough when someone with a rocket launcher is shooting at you from below.

I don’t want to be that Dad that just completely ignores the Ex until mandated by a judge or lawyer.  My child support is sucked into the state’s system every two weeks and deposited in her account, I am paying ALL of her bills until the divorce is final.  I literally am giving her 80% of my income and getting 0 in return.  At what point do I throw my hands up in the air and say I’ve had enough.

Spoke to a wise man last night who told me that in Matthew, Jesus talks about carrying the load an extra mile for the Roman Soldier.  Apparently the law required anyone a Roman Soldier asked to carry his load for him for one mile (or the Roman equivalent).  Jesus was telling his people to be better than that — go two miles.  The wise man added:  “He didn’t say to go 50 miles.”

I thought that was a good way to handle this.  I just need to take the emotion out of these conversations.  If the request is something that helps to speed the divorce process or speed the re-unification with the kids — then it’s a no-brainer and should be acted on immediately. In addition, things I can do that would qualify for 2nd mile status should be evaluated on a case by case basis.  30th mile stuff should be ignored.

Another friend encouraged me to reply to all of the requests for money with requests for information about the kids.

“What about paying this bill” (from the ex)

“How are the kids doing?” (me)

“Did you get my text about the bill? (from the ex)

“Did you get my text about the kids?” (me)

and so on.  Haven’t tried that yet.  Will let you know how it turns out.


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