So the Divorce was final last Tuesday. I’m a bit behind on entries so there are two coming out today. I posted Mel Gibson’s scene from Braveheart where he yells “FREEDOM” on my facebook page — that was the signal I had mentioned to my close friends where they would know the divorce was final. The last few days have been spent cleaning up the minor details of life insurance and health insurance and all the stuff that has to wait to be separated until the final divorce.
I didn’t experience any major emotions. I think I’ve gone through those more than 8-10 months ago. I didn’t even cry. I was just relieved. My best friend took me out for a very nice steak a couple of nights later and I was once again reminded of how God had taken care of me by placing him so strategically in my life way before the separation and then how he had risen to the moment after it all hit the fan. Some men get that in the tough times, you show up. Mark gets that. He’s all in. If you’ve got Mark with you, you know someone’s got your back. I told him all of this that night — though, being guys in public, we didn’t get all emotional about it until we walked out to the vehicles. Even no huge emotions, just good strong words.
I walked away feeling like (as he said), the chapter is written, the page is turned. I grinned and held up my hands like I was holding a hollywood movie scene starter and said, “And…. Scene.” We laughed. I’m moving on. Thinking most of the drama is past.
Cue ominous music, start new scene, next day, rainy day, coming home from downtown and a long day of work… Voicemail from the ex – wife. I’d better handle the utility bill (from four months ago in our married house — which I wrote about earlier and paid two months ago) or she’s calling the lawyers. Angry, threatening. Rudely spoken, completely disrespectful. I sigh. Hang up the voicemail and immediately call the energy company. After a brief conversation it becomes clear that what is owed is not the old married home energy bill, but the new rental house energy bill that she alone is responsible for. Apparently, she’s had three months of bills and only paid one. So I calmly thank the kind lady at the utility, hang up and type a quick and succinct email to the ex. I called the utility, they assured me once again I had fully paid, I encouraged her to double check which energy bills she had paid since the new move and asked her to check all the info before threatening me with lawyers. I was polite, not rude, but direct.
10 minutes later, I get another voicemail from her. As you can see, it’s important not to answer the phone when she calls, so I have a record of her tone and her words. She starts off my addressing me by a cuss word, then proceeds to berate me and tell me she’s going straight to the lawyers and I owe her all this money for this and then texts me pretty much everything she has hated me for over the last 20 years. Immediately thereafter, my daughter calls and leaves a message (if she calls after my ex, I do not answer out of the same wisdom). She tells me that if I’m going to harass her mother I have to go through her first.
I’m working hard at re-training them how to treat me. My counselor had explained to me a while back that we train everyone how to treat us — so if we’re not happy with the way they are treating us — we need to begin the process of re-training them. So I sent them both emails back telling them that I would not listen to any voicemails from them if they could not be polite and treat me with respect. That if they wished to communicate, they were going to have to do it by email until I could see that there was politeness and respect in them. I also told my daughter that I love her and would love to have a relationship with her but it’s not going to be a yelling relationship.
Not sure if it’s going to help, but it’s just some of the steps I’m taking in this journey to ensure that I’m doing what’s right. I’m not yelling, I’m not berating people, harassing people or insulting anyone. I’m keeping to the facts, I’m acting in love, but I’m also not allowing them to treat me however they want.
So, freedom. But still drama. As the world turns…
- Make It a Good Divorce Whether Your Mate Agrees (judithconte.wordpress.com)
- A Nasty Divorce Leaves Parents with a Lifetime of Making Amends (judithconte.wordpress.com)
- Reward Yourself With Forgiveness (everythinggirlslove.com)