Working through a difficult divorce and dealing with Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) from a dad's perspective
This is a very, very good article about how divorce happens gradually and about how to ensure next time it DOESN’T!
Source: She Divorced Me Because I Left Dishes by the Sink
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Notes from an Alienated Dad 
But its not. I have read some of your posts about your kids and i cannot imagine how that must be. I had the pleasure of being a visitor to my kids for 18 months, but the marriage was restored so Ive not had the alienation thing.
I want to pint out though that you have a post about gas lighting and how it seems operative in the alienation. How much more therefore is it present in the -divorce happening gradually- ?
The guy using the glass by the sink metaphor, I am certain, was subjected to passive aggressive gas lighting type treatment for years. he could not have prevented that divorce no matter how many little things he decided to do because they mattered to his wife. It simply doesn’t work that way. In fact that may have led to the divorce more quickly.
I do hope you figure this out
Actually, very interesting point. Obviously you can’t negotiate with crazy people or assume that someone who is committed to misunderstanding you and making your life miserable will behave rationally as is suggested in this post. I do think that men miss some of this thinking however and with a decent rational woman, this article deserves a lot of attention. I do remember doing the “Love Dare” from the movie Fireproof for my wife for 3-4 months toward the end of the marriage in an effort to save it, and the end result was more vitriol, more anger, more disrespect. Things got progressively worse. So I think we all need to be cognizant of recognizing the glass by the sink situation is often a small window to our attitudes to our spouses, but that correcting this type of behavior is just what good humans do, and that bad humans or crazy humans constantly are looking for the next glass by the sink to justify their already determined attitudes. Don’t know if that makes sense, but thanks for making me think that through better! — Jim
I won’t assign crazy to the woman. I will assign emotional primacy-follow your heart-maelstrom of swirling emotions like thunder heads following her-able to create new realities on demand to force the desired optics on something, etc. Im not going to add qualifiers like
-some men are crazy too
-not all women are primarily emotional thinkers
or any others, because they serve no purpose.
Men will at one time or another encounter these things in their wives at a rate of approximately 100%. Sure its decent to put away the glass and pick up the socks etc. Just know that the reason is not her being picky or neat, its an emotion that she gets from neatness, or a negative emotion from clutter. But know this, if she was still attracted to the guy and had respect for him, he could leave dishes everywhere and his socks on her forehead and she’d be ffine.
Take this example as an analogy. We know a woman who constantly complained that her husband was not the spiritual leader of the home. Their preacher always said men ought to be leading prayers and doing studies etc with wives and kids and the wife told my wife she sooooooo longed for that. My wife was sympathetic because Ive realized that women love adding expectations to the list of what they use to measure the husband.
That wife ended up having two full blown affairs. The men she had them with and the hoops she jumped through to get to hotels and have her kids looked after etc. were extreme. The guys, youd expect to have been misguided Christian men, either married or not, but prone to being the thing she claimed she wanted. NOT. They were both players, very good looking, one married the other not, both tradesmen and of few words, not emotive talk talk talkers and not church goers at all.
Men like that would make the bad glass on the sink go away for awhile.
Its not about the glass, or anything else the glass stands for metaphorically. Its about there being no boundaries for women. They follow their feelings. No one calls them out. NO ONE. If the husband attempts to moderate her emotional gas lighting passive aggressive nonsense she will accuse him of some kind of abuse.
Its not courageous for him to write a blog post that further emasculates himself…. likely a good a decent man. The only thing it does is bring nice comments from women, which is the positive feedback he is actually after. He isn’t sharing wisdom to help men, he is chasing THE LIFT. You can see that defined on my blog. Don’t go in for lift chasing. Be clinical when dissecting feral women’s behavior. Know that each woman praising him is doing so with a tiny measure of respect she jettisoned from that she held for her husband. His post is an emotional kind of porn where they can imagine themselves with a guy who understands them as he seems to. Oddly, they really don’t want that and if they were single they wouldn’t likely be lathering him up. They would get bored. And some thing would replace the glass and the sink as what they were unhappy about.