Read an article today that really got me thinking. I tried to read it with as open a mind as I could. I’ll let you do the same. Here it is.
Now here’s my thoughts. I’ve listed Shawn James’ reasons not to date single mom’s below. Right off the bat, I think the type of single mom he is referring to is the kind that have had 1 or more babies out of wedlock to help increase the Government Aid take. It’s the only thing that makes sense with most of his reasons. A woman who has been divorced or widowed does not fit a lot of these stereotypes. And lets be honest, that’s what these 15 reasons really are. He’s either had a few “gems” as single mothers that he’s dated, or he is just hearing all the stories from babby daddies he goes drinking with who are whining about their Babby Mammas.
I do think 1-4 are very difficult things for a single mom to negotiate, especially with younger children. They are worried about how their kids are doing without them. As applies with most of these other items as well — the same thing goes for single dads. They struggle with time available and priorities. I don’t think I’ve met any single moms who think the world revolves around them. They usually feel stressed and panicked that they are not spending enough time with their kids and worried their dating partner will get annoyed with them for that lack of availability, regardless of how much they enjoy the company of said partner.
As for the ex always being there. Duh. So is my ex. I’m dealing with Parental Alienation, so #5-#8 also apply to me as well. I think Shawn is probably a single dude without kids or he’s got kids scattered all around a 180 mile radius of his hometown and has no clue how to be a parent and places no value on it. In his defense. He’s right. HE should not date a single mom. In fact, it kinda sounds like 2,3,4,8,9,10,15 could also apply to him…
I have seen many, many women with distorted self-image, who play the victim, who have jekyll and Hyde personalities and who are dishonest and drama queens with baggage. I think it doesn’t have anything to do with being a single mom. There’s also a lot of men with those problems. It’s part of the human condition.
I have seen very few single mom’s dating to make the baby daddy jealous or wanting to get back with their babby daddy.
Maybe I’m a bit naive, but I don’t see the huge issues that this guys is speaking about, but at the end of the day, I think it all depends on your experiences and your viewpoint going into those experiences. If you go around thinking all single women are drama queens and victims, you’re going to see that everywhere.
So here’s my advice to anyone getting ready to date a single mom or a single lady or a divorced mom or widow. Grace is very important. Everyone comes with their own challenges and problems. If you go into that relationship trying to identify those problems first rather than trying to get to know someone and understand them, you’re going to be miserable.
My pastor has a tatoo that has the yin and yang symbol and the words Grace and Truth inside of it, with a crown of thorns around it. I think that applies very nicely here. Start with Grace and you’ll begin to understand truth about that person eventually. You may decide that you don’t want to go down that road, but you can still treat that woman with grace even after you understand their truth.
Happy Dating all!
Shawn James’ 15 Reasons not to date a Single Mom
- Never Available
- YOU are not a priority
- Thinks the world revolves around HER and ONLY HER
- Emotionally Unavailable
- The ex/Baby Daddy is ALWAYS THERE
- The kids are working AGAINST YOU
- Those kids will HATE YOU
- Entitled Attitude Single mothers think… world owe her EVERYTHING
- Distorted Self-Image
- Always the victim
- Jekyll and Hyde Personality
- Drama Queen
- In most cases dating to make her baby daddy jealous